Driving a truck nowadays is almost like having a subscription to Playboy. Well, I guess the billboards only show portions of the actual goods, so maybe it’s closer to Maxim. Any way you look at it though, today’s truck driver has waaaaay too many loads going to Smutville.

Now I know what some of you are thinking. “Here comes another lecture from a holier-than-thou type. Who are you to judge what’s right or wrong.” Okay. First off, I’m not holier-than-thou. Second, you can do and think what you want; including not reading this post. Third, it’s my blog, so it’s my opinion.

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I’m sure some of you think there is absolutely nothing wrong with porn. You’re entitled to your opinion. Now I ask you this. What good comes from pornography? Sure, since the porn industry brings in more cash than all the major sports combined, I suppose you could say it stimilates the economy. But how does that benefit anyone? Other than your two happy minutes of alone time, I mean. I guess it does provide some jobs, but the majority of the money you spend on smut goes directly into the producer’s pockets, which in turn, goes to make more porn. If you can think of some wonderful benefit of porn that I’m neglecting, please feel free to argue your point by leaving a comment. I’ll be glad to have the debate. Now back to the subject at hand. Uhhhh… perhaps that’s a back cliché to use right now.

Anyway, I’ve been truckin’ coast to coast since 1997, and I don’t remember it always being so bad. Maybe my memory is just shot from staring at too many long stretches of road, but back then I only remember Las Vegas being overrun with porno billboards. I can’t say as I was all that surprised about that though. It is Vegas after all. And being Vegas, they have now lifted it to a new level. Last time I was through there, they had numerous billboards advertising production job openings for a company called “Bait & Tackle.” This looked “fishy” to me. The pictures on these billboards were of Jolly Green Giant-sized half-naked men and women. My suspicions led me to wonder if these “productions” were porno flicks. Turns out, I was right. Here’s the story if you don’t believe me.

While Vegas is always at the forefront of risqué, the rest of the country isn’t that much better. If you’re in an urban area, there are billboards for “Gentlemen’s Clubs” every time you glance up from the road. Now I can honestly say I’ve never seen one gentlemen in these establishments. It’s hard to be gentlemanly when you’re holding up a dollar bill with lust in your eyes and drool on your lip. And yes, I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve been to a few strip clubs in my younger years. All three times, I buckled to peer pressure. It was never my idea. I can honestly say that I was just never into it. While I wasn’t exactly a great Christian example back in those days, I guess my Christian upbringing always made me feel that something was just “wrong” about the whole situation. It didn’t help that I’m a tightwad. I couldn’t really see the sense in paying a woman to tease me. I knew plenty of girls that would do that for free.

Temptation isn’t just in the cities though. Even out in the stix, you’ve got billboards telling you to that there is truck parking at the adult video store at the next exit. And how convenient that it’s open 24 hours. Couples welcome? I’ll bet. I wonder how many of those places have hidden cameras stashed around the joint? It still amazes me how many of these shops are on the highways of America.

Every once in a while you’ll see a billboard for massage parlors. And guess what? They have truck parking. And how about the topless cafe’s down on I-75 in Southeast. Their billboards list topless waitresses, food, truck parking and showers. I’m sorry, but even if my e-log tells me I’m out of driving time, I’m not stopping for the night and taking a shower at one of these places. I feel sorry for the plumber who has to clean out those drains.

Even when you’re at the truck stop, you’re not immune from sexual bombardment. Most of the large truck stop chains stay away from porno mags, but many of the smaller places have magazine racks that devote more than half the shelf space to porn. Some of them don’t even bother to use those plastic covers that hide all the naughty bits. That always disturbs me, knowing that a graphic image like that can get burned into a kid’s brain with one glance.

Once you’re back in the protective cocoon known as your truck, you’d think you’re safe. But no, here comes the lot lizard. That’s a truck stop prostitute, for you non-truckers out there. Granted, most truck stops don’t have infestations of lot lizards, but you can pretty much count on a knock on your door if you’re anywhere near an urban area. I’ve seen a few nice-looking lot lizards over the years, but by and large, you’ve gotta be pretty desperate to go there.

Clearly, all these smut pushers know their audience. If their advertising didn’t work, they’d change their billboards. Sadly, it is working. It’s not very often that I pass an adult store without a truck in the parking lot. Likewise, lot lizards wouldn’t be frequenting truck stops if there weren’t drivers forking over the cash for their services. Truck stops wouldn’t be carrying nudie mags if drivers weren’t buying them either.

So what’s a driver to do? Well, if he’s a perv with no conscience or morals, he goes as crazy as a nymphomaniac at a swinger’s convention. While he’s doing so, he’ll probably get lost in a world that will only take him further into the heart of Smutville. I’ve never been an avid porno guy, but I’d be a big fat liar-liar-pants-on-fire if I said I’ve never seen any. I’ve seen my share. Some of my friends went for the hardcore stuff, but I’ve always liked something left to the imagination. See, I was even classy back then. Pssshhht.

I can only tell you that the more you see this stuff, the more perverse your mind gets. I hate to tell you guys this, but your mechanic is not a hot chick who’s going to get all hot and bothered when you bring your car in for a busted radiator. It’s just plain unrealistic. Your partner may or may not get into playing “housewife and UPS man.” But guys, you don’t really want your wife hopping into the sack with every delivery guy that shows up at your door, do you? But hey, because there’s a woman doing it on video, your distorted mind tells you that you should probably leave your partner to find someone more adventurous. Good luck with that.

Like I said, I was never that into the porno world, so it was easy to get rid of it altogether. I’m grateful that I never got lost in it. I know myself, and I know that I don’t want to go where that road would take me. A few slaps upside the head from The Evil Overlord was all it took for me. It’s not so easy for others to walk away.

So why am I even talking about all of this? It’s actually for two reasons. I’m trying to warn anyone who may already be struggling with this, and I’m also trying to help those who may be considering becoming a truck driver in the future. It’s similar to me telling someone with a weight problem to really consider it before they start trucking, because it’s likely that their weight problems will only escalate once they set foot in a truck. It’s just the nature of the beast.

If you’re going to be all alone out on the road, you’ve got one of two choices. You can embrace the smut and try to have a guilt and STD-free time, or you can resist the urge to give into temptation. Naturally, the latter is the harder of the two and the road less traveled.

Here’s the thing. It would be all too easy to take the road to Smutville. Most of us drivers are alone out here on the road. We could stop into any video store or strip club we want. Who’s ever going to find out? “Sorry I didn’t answer the phone last night, honey. I was in an area with no cell service.” Or you could load up on porno mags when you leave the house and trash them before you get home. The pages are probably all stuck together by then anyway.

My point is this. If you want to stay away from this stuff, you need to have a strong will and possibly even a little help. Now I’m a Christian, but even so, I’m not immune to this stuff. I admit that all the opportunities out here are tempting at times. When I see a racy billboard or a nice set of legs in the car beside me, I try not to take a second look. Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I fail. The thing that helps me most is that I know God is always watching. Even if The Evil Overlord never found out, I would know and so would God. That’s enough to keep me from caving in, but if you’re not a believer in a supreme being with an ever watchful eye, you may need more help.

If you even think you might be addicted to porn, just do a Google search for “pornography addiction help line” and call one of the toll-free numbers to get some help. And if that still isn’t enough, I might be able to talk The Evil Overlord into coming over and giving you a good THWACK upside your head. You know, while that is rather effective, she does seem to enjoy it just a taaaaad bit too much.

Please feel free to leave a comment and/or give any further advice you might have. And please go rate this blog post. Now go on with your bad self.

Photo by pinkmoose via Flickr

About the Author
I'm a 22-year truck driver with an interest in tech stuff. I do the Trucker Dump podcast and blog, which is all about life as a trucker. I have also written two trucking books, "Trucking Life" and "How to Find a Great Truck Driving Job."
13 comments on “TD67: The Road To Smutville
  1. Pat (luv18wheels) says:

    Yeah I’ve seen a lot of this on the road when we were out there…and yes it seems to be growing….so that means more truckers are “buying” into it. But is it no wonder…look at the risque crap they are putting on TV and cable…and in the music our young people are listening to!? It says a lot about the state of our country and what we think is okay anymore. I can remember when looking at Elvis’s swiveling hips was banned!!! Boy have we come a long way since then…and I’m afraid according to what I see happening it will only grow much worse! I guess Satan is celebrating though!!

    1. Todd McCann says:

      I too find it quite disturbing. I was really young when Elvis was shaking his stuff, but I remember how risqué everyone said Madonna was when I was in high school. She looks tame now compared to all the hip hop videos and the dirty dancing that goes along with it. Take away the clothes and they’re having sex on TV. Quite disturbed by some of the lyrics I hear my nephews singing too. Sadly, you’re right. It’s only going to get worse.

  2. Heidi says:

    Wow. I just hate seeing those places. It actually makes my gut hurt that they exist and esp when I see cars in the parking lot any time of day. I’m sorry that it’s such a forced issue in your industry. But, you’ve given me something else to pray about. Good post Todd. Thanks for your candor.

    1. Todd McCann says:

      Thanks for the comment, Heidi. And the prayers.

  3. Casey says:

    I HATE driving down the road and seeing signs for “Gentlemen’s” clubs. I don’t see many around where I live, but last week when we drove down I-75 here in FL, I must have seen 30. It’s gross. It’s also sad too. I mean, what would drive a woman to expose herself like that? Is she that desperate? Very sad.

    I can honestly say I fully trust Chris not to go to one of these places while out on the road. I struggled with knowing he would be approached by desperate women when he stopped at truck stops. I can remember bawling my eyes out because I thought he would cheat on me. The thought of being away from my husband for the first time, and especially for an extended period of time, was nerve wracking.

    We sat down before he left the very first time and he gave me his word nothing would ever happen. Some people think I may be naive, but I know my husband and know he would not do something that could potentially ruin our family. Deep down I knew he would never do that, just poor self esteem on my end. That and hearing on trucking boards about how peoples’ lives have been ruined because of it.

    Well now I have just gone on for far too long about nothing important.

    Anyway, all I really wanted to say was, I hate those places too.

    1. Todd McCann says:

      I don’t think what you’re carrying on about is “nothing important.” I’d be willing to bet that a lot of trucker’s wives go through the same emotions as you did. Many of them still probably do. I appreciate your honesty.

      I’m glad you can trust your man. The Evil Overlord trusts me not to stop at those places too, but it doesn’t keep her from asking me about it every now and then. Her attitude is, trust, but don’t be naive. It never hurts to ask every once in a while. I don’t consider it jealousy or nagging when she asks me, I consider it concern. As long as it isn’t all that often.

      As for the temptation for lot lizards, I wouldn’t worry about that too much. Most of them are nasty to the tenth power, so there’s not much to be tempted by. It takes a real scuz-bag to pay for one of these skanks. And I doubt you married a scuz-bag.

  4. old friend says:

    In my job we take large groups of students in the 6th through 12th grade on trips. It is just heart breaking to hear the kids counting the adult video stores on I-44. I almost always have to address the question, “Why are they called video stores?” It took guts to address this subject. Kudos to you.

    1. Todd McCann says:

      Thanks. Yes, our home state is chock full of this smut. I can assure you that I-70 is just as bad as I-44. And kudos to you for addressing the subject with your students. That takes some cajones.

  5. Lisa Nowak says:

    The economy isn’t he only thing porn stimulates. Okay, sorry, you sort of set yourself up for that one.

    I guess in a free market, this is the kind of thing you have to expect. Personally, I don’t need to have it in my face all the time, but then where I drive there isn’t too much of it, so maybe it’s not really an issue for me. I remember in the early 90s driving through Georgia and seeing these really ugly black billboards with green and orange neon. I think mostly they were advertising fireworks. But as you can see, it wasn’t the product that stuck in my head, but the ugliness of the billboards. I think the porn thing would strike me the same way. Tacky.

    I guess if someone wants to look at porn I figure that’s their business, but I’m not sure I want to have to see reminders of it everywhere an more than I want to see reminders of cigarettes. I guess if they can outlaw advertising smokes on TV they can do the same with porn billboards. My point is that I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’d rather not look at that stuff, and I feel bad for folks who have to have it in their face all the time, but I’m not sure where to draw the line as far as free speech in advertising goes. Not that I’m any big fan of advertizing. I think it’s way overdone and a form of pollution in its own right.

    Okay, I’m just rambling, now. I agree, though, that for people who are tempted and trying to stay away from such things those billboards are a bad deal, just like billboards about gambling would be to a gambling addict, or billboards about booze would be to an alcoholic. I don’t think we should expect society to protect us from our temptations, but I also think there’s a point where it’s just so in-your-face that it exceeds the limits of good taste.

    1. Todd McCann says:

      Yes Lisa. I realize I wrote that line in my post. I took the high road, but thank you for driving through the valley. LOL

      I understand your point about freedom of advertising. I don’t like these billboards much, but I can live with them. The thing that really bugs me is that if I can see it, so can my young nephews. Now I was a kid once. I remember when I was 12 or 13 years old, my friend Jerry and I found a Playboy in the alley behind the public library. Some of those images got burned into my brain. I can’t be the only kid that this happened too. I wonder what’s happening in kid’s minds when they see these billboards.

      I was in a tiny truck stop the other day and noticed that the magazine rack extended out into the restaurant. The whole top shelf was smut. They did have those plastic covers on them, but still, what’s going to go through a kid’s mind while he’s sitting there eating a cheeseburger?

      I personally think that the world would be a better place without pornography, yet I understand that this is America. If a person wants to drown themselves in smut, it’s their prerogotive. Just please don’t put it in my face.

      As always, a well thought-out comment. Thanks Lisa.

  6. danceintherain says:

    Message from Trucker Dump:
    WARNING: The following comment contains subject matter that may not be suitable for the youngsters!

    My husband trucks thru the week & comes home on the weekends to us, me & his 4 kids. He also watches & jerks off to porn whenever he is gone from home. I have asked him about it & he just responds to me with — ‘It was a problem before we were married’ & ‘It doesn’t mean I love you any less’ & ‘I only watch it to jerk off- I know it’s just acting’. This may sound odd but I actually feel sick when he wants to kiss & hold me I cringe when he tells me that he loves me & that I am beautiful. I know I don’t even rate on the same planet with the porn stars he sees. How do I believe him? I feel like he just says whatever he thinks I want to hear so I’ll be okay with him doing porn. But I’m not! I feel so cheated on. My heart actually hurts & I want to slap his face when he comes in on the weekend with hugs & kisses acting like everything’s all chocolates & roses. Ewww ! Stay away from me! You’ve been jerking off to how many bimbos with how big of boobs & the however big of penis or whatever else they were sucking off I haven’t brought the issue up now for a while but it’s like this wall between us. He knows that I know he is jerking off to porn all week. He knows I feel like its online cheating but he won’t stop. He feels like I should just mind my own business & stick with being a mom instead of worrying about what he’s doing.
    What do you suggest??

    1. Todd McCann says:

      He thinks you should mind your own business, huh? Last time I checked, your spouse is your business. I’m really sorry to hear about what you’re going through, danceintherain. I know you aren’t alone here, and I’m glad you spoke up about it.

      The thing is, I don’t see this as much of a porn issue as I do a marriage issue. Listen, I’m no marriage counselor, but I have been married to the same woman for almost 20 years. And 9 of those years were boxed up with this very outspoken woman in the cab of a truck, so that takes it to a whole new level of tolerance and understanding toward one another. LOL

      One thing I’ve learned about being married is that you have to make sacrifices on the little things. But it looks like you’re the only one giving in here by not pushing the issue. Clearly you don’t see this porn thing as a “little thing.” I don’t either. Apparently, he doesn’t either. I mean, he did admit that it was a “problem” before you got married. I wonder; did you know about this before you agreed to marry him? Cuz if you did, he probably thinks you knew what you were getting into and you were willing to accept that about him. But that doesn’t mean that you should just be stuck with this behavior.

      As you well know, he’s hurting your marriage by continuing to do something that disturbs you to the point of being grossed out by being around him. And for the record, I don’t find it odd that you feel sick when he wants to be near you. I find that completely normal and understandable. If I were watching porn against The Evil Overlord’s wishes, she’d wait until I was asleep and beat me with a 2X4 (that’s not a suggestion or a solution, by the way). If I still wouldn’t stop, well, let’s just say it would be a long time of not experiencing the real thing, if you catch my drift. LOL But could I really blame her? I don’t think so. Why would she want to be intimate with someone she finds repulsive?

      I have to ask though; have you told him how sickened you feel by his touch or do you just suck it up and pretend it’s okay? Men actually have pretty fragile egos, so I can’t imagine any husband liking the thought of their wife not respecting them. I know you told him you don’t like it. But saying you don’t like it and saying you’re disgusted by the thought of him touching you is two totally different things. If he won’t kick the porn to the curb after you’ve told him that, then sadly, that shows you how much respect he has for your opinion, and thereby; you yourself. I’m sorry to say that, but I know you’ve already thought that.

      So the question becomes: What’s more important to him? A few minutes of happy time with some “actors” or some happy time with a real-life, happy wife? I’m not saying get a divorce, because frankly, my Christian beliefs say there are only a few reasons for that: consistent unrepentant infidelity, abuse, or a spouse that walks out on you. Then again, what qualifies as infidelity? According to your earlier statement, “I feel so cheated on,” I think we have your answer on that. I’m sure at some point he’s justified to himself that porn helps him control his urges when he’s away from you for weeks at a time. But let’s be honest here. Men don’t really need porn to, shall we say, accomplish the end goal. LOL No, it’s just an excuse to watch other people having sex.

      I could go on-and-on about this, but in the end it comes to this: Will he stop watching porn because you’re utterly sickened by it and you’ve lost all respect for him? If not, is he willing to go to marriage counseling? Because I hate to say it, if he won’t do either of those things for you and your family, the question then becomes, how much love does that show towards you?

      So here’s the plan. First, I don’t know your husband, so use wisdom with this if he has any violent tendencies. Next, ditch the kids at Granny’s house for an evening, gather up your courage, and tell him what you told me. And don’t be easy on him when it comes to telling him just how disgusted you are with him. And I would definitely use the word “respect” in this conversation. As in, “I don’t respect you anymore.” There’s just something about a man needing a woman’s respect to feel like he’s a real man. Hopefully, that will get through to him. One thing’s for sure, if you let things stay the same as they have been, well… things will stay the way they have been. And that’s not good. How’s that for wise and profound? *eye roll* I’ll be praying for you, your husband, and your situation. Ask God to help you. He’s listening.

  7. Stevie says:

    Hey Todd, well it looks like I’m gonna be the line wolf on this one. I disagree with you in this one.l. Living on a carnival Midway for 15 1/2 years. And growing up in the entertainment industry my whole life. Everything was/is about sex. I guess I’ve just become accustomed to it as part of life. So to which I don’t have a problem with it. To the women/men in the adt entertainment industry, some of them are making a living just like you and I. Some of them even have kids and families at home.
    Do have a problem with my man keeping porn mags and videos in his truck? No, I don’t. Now if he is out chasing “Lot Lizards?” No we are going to have a problem!!
    Do I think you are being “Holier than thou?” A little bit yes. But, as you say, it’s your blog/podcast and your opinion. Am I going to stop listening? No Way!! I Love this blog/Podcast.
    Oh, tell “The Evil OverLord” she’s a lucky lady to have such a great guy! Keep it up!

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