Well, it’s been a long time coming, but it’s finally happened. The Evil Overlord and I have decided to part ways. At least it was an amicable split.[box]Listen to the audio version above and subscribe to the podcast in iTunes.
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If I’m honest with myself, I knew it would happen eventually. Quite frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. Relationships are hard. Throw a big rig into the mix and things can get messier than a pelican who decides to drop in on BP.
A truck can isolate a solo driver from their better half for long periods of time. And you know what they say about long distance relationships. Team drivers have the opposite problem. Tight quarters cause issues. If you doubt that, why don’t you and your spouse try living, sleeping, and eating in your walk-in-closet for a week or two. To get the full effect, go to your neighbor’s house every time you need a toilet, sink, or shower. Let me know how that works out for ya.
Here’s the thing. I’ve got mixed feelings about the whole situation. Will I miss her? Sure. It’s always nice to have someone to share life with. On the other hand, my life just got a heck of a lot easier. For instance:
- I’ve got half the laundry to do.
- When it’s time to hit the road, I no longer have to load and unload 400 bags of crap that we “might need” someday.
- No more will I have to get up in the middle of the night to fuel or walk her into a creepy-looking rest area.
- I can eat whatever and whenever I choose.
- I’ll sleep better without the truck moving.
- If I have to skip or delay a shower to deliver a load on time, at least now the cursing, mumbling, and whining is only in my head.
- I can wear two different shades of navy blue if I feel like it.
- I can fart without get punched.
- And perhaps most important, I am no longer the poor sap that has to wake her up every day (she isn’t called The Evil Overlord for nothing).
While all these things make this change tolerable, there are definitely things I will miss, such as:
- Having someone to eat with.
- Having someone to keep my stomach happy.
- The way a single rub on the shoulder can calm me down when I’m cheesed about something.
- Her wicked sarcasm.
- Having someone to patch me up when I get one of those mysterious “I don’t know where that came from” cuts that most men get.
- Getting to laugh at her morning hair (after she gets past her evil phase, of course).
So, to wrap this all up in a tidy package and FedEx it to whoever cares, part of my life has changed. Some parts of it been made more difficult. Some parts have been simplified.
Now I know some of you are probably thinking, “Hey! What about those last two blog posts, where you said that your relationship with The Evil Overlord was misunderstood by others, but fine between the two of you?” Well, that still stands. I mean, she’s only quit trucking. It’s not like I was talking about our marriage splitting up or anything. Sorry if I misled you. smirk
P.S. Whether I suckered you or not, please don’t tweet and give away the punch line. If I did sucker you, feel free to leave my scolding in the “comments” section. HeeHee
Photo by sacks08 via Flickr