Watch out! The Life is good.® people have got some competition. The Evil Overlord and I were in a truck stop near Missoula, Montana when we ran across an entire wall of Life is crap.® merchandise. Yes, you heard me right. They use the stick figure design and everything. Leave it up to Americans to take something that is happy and positive, and give it a high school gym class worthy wedgie.[box]Listen to the audio version above and subscribe to the podcast in iTunes.
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This certainly isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Consider the “yellow smiley face” design that says, “Have a nice day.” How long did it take before the same image was seen with a bullet hole in its smiley little forehead? Not long.
Most of the time, I look on the bright side of life. Or at least I try to. But every now and then you’ve gotta let your hair down and let everyone know what you think sucks about life. So in that vain I present to you my “Life is crap” list. I think I’ll start with religion again:
- Bumper stickers that say “Jesus is a Liberal.” Show me in the Bible where Jesus promotes the gay agenda or the murder of babies, and then maybe we’ll talk.
- People who can dish out criticism, but can’t take it. See above.
- Being behind the wheel of a big rig in 60 mph winds. Worse. . . when it’s also snowing.
- Paying for movie tickets, then being forced to watch advertisments before the previews start.
- Litter bugs
- Seeing an empty golf course while I’m driving my truck. If I could just pull over. . .
- Blind-side backing
- People who choose welfare over work
- Sell-your-left-testicle-priced iPhone plans
- Bad listeners. . . and me being a bad listener
- Not being able to get a straight answer on the CB radio
- Taxes. . . No crap list would be complete without taxes.
- Cracking down on my nephews. I hate having to do it, but it’s necessary for my sanity. Why can’t they just be little angels 24/7. Oh yeah; they’re boys.
- The dinging noise in your car that won’t stop until you put your seat belt on
- Waking up The Evil Overlord. Can’t we just let her sleep? Please.
- A video game that doesn’t let you “save” after you get through a really hard section.
- Big city rush hour
- Child molesters. I say try ’em and fry ’em. The Bible does promote an eye for an eye.
- Having the heel of your stretched-out sock come up to your ankle.
- Being politically correct to the point of absurdity.
- Those immoral commercials that promote “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.”
- Having to leave home after 3 days off
- Static cling
- A cell phone without a signal. How did our parents survive?
- Bikini waxing. Umm. Forget I said that.
- Long traffic lights. C’mon already! I’ve got crap to do!
- Smacking your funny bone
- Picking a booger that is waaaaay bigger than you expected. . . and not a Kleenex in sight.
Well, that’s enough for now. And what better way to leave you than with a dazzling mental image of me with my finger in my nose.
Got a “Life is good” or “Life is crap” list? I’d love to hear yours.